JoKes - - -

### English~Tagalog Dictionary

Define the following:

Contemplate - kulang ang pinggan
Cattle - dito nakatila ang hali at leyna
Statue - kaw ba yan???
Tablet - maliit na lamesa
Artery - study of Arts

Tandaan nyo baka lumabas sa quiz na ibbigay ni Sir...

### kulot na buhok

Saang lugar parehong kulot ang buhok ng babae at lalake?

... Sa AFRICA... kala nyo ha? dumi talaga ng isip nyo - :->

### Nag pagupit

Nagpagupit si Pedro sa isang Barber Shop. Pag-upo, nagtanong agad ang Barbero kung anong haircut ang gusto.

Pedro: Bawasan mo ng malalim sa bandang nuo, doon sa itaas hayaan mo lang. Sa left side, putulan mo na parang hagdanan. Sa right side naman, gawain mong bako-bako. Pag tapos na, sundutin mo ang tainga ko para tumulo ng konting dugo.

Barbero: Boss, bakit naman gustong niyong pangit ang gupit. Walang Barbero dito sa buong bayan na mag gupit tulad ng sinabi mo.

Pedro: Bakit, nakalimutan mo na ba, ganitong-ganito ang haircut na ginawa mo sa akin nuong isang buwan!


### Pancakes!!!

Dinala ng mag-asawang zeny at gerry ang kanilang anim na taong anak na lalaki sa duktor dahil concerned sila kung bakit maiit ang ari nito.

Matapos ma-examine ng duktor ang bata ay sinabi niya sa mag-asawa na madali lang malunasan ang pagiging maliit ang ari ng kanilang anak.

"PAKANIN LANG DAW NG MARAMING PANCAKES"!!!

Kinaumagahan, sa harap almusalan, isang tambak na pancakes ang nakahain.

Gee, mom, sabi ng anak, "Akin ba lahat ito?"

Sagot ng mommy niya: "KUMUHA KA LANG NG DALAWA AT LAHAT NG MATITIRA AY PARA SA DADDY MO"!!!!!!

### Praying for 10 Pesos

Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.

Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako."

Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos. Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi:
"Amang, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain".

Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin: "Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas".


### Confessions of a Kid

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

*** Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,

Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

*** Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you.

Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

*** Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

*** Letter 4

God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!

Thank you,

Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.

*** Letter 5

God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

Nun Decorators

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

The one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door.

They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."

They let him in. The man walks in, does a double take, and says,

"Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Today's Joke - History of Medicine

History of Medicine

For people in a hurry, we have compiled this short history of medicine, using as an example the treatment of that common ailment, the ear ache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2006 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.