Joke of the Day - Diet Rules for Cheaters

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

7. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.

Recipe - Flank Steak

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds flank steak
Coarse salt and ground pepper
1 tablespoon plus 1/4 cup olive oil
1 to 2 garlic cloves
1 bunch flat-leaf parsley, stemmed (about 4 cups)
3 tablespoons fresh oregano leaves
3 tablespoons white-wine vinegar
1/8 teaspoon red-pepper flakes

Procedure:
1. Generously season both sides of flank steak with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Cook steak 5 to 8 minutes per side for medium-rare. Transfer to a cutting board; let rest, covered, 10 minutes. Thinly slice against the grain.

2. Meanwhile, make sauce: In a food processor, pulse garlic until finely chopped. Add parsley, oregano, vinegar, pepper flakes, 1/4 cup oil, 2 tablespoons water, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Pulse until herbs are finely chopped. Serve with steak.

Per serving: 473 calories; 33.6 grams fat; 35.7 grams protein; 7.1 grams carbohydrates; 3.5 grams fiber

Travel - Sunset in New York

Photo of sunset in New York. Background is the Statue of Liberty. This was taken on my recent visit to New York last Nov 13, 2005.

Travel - Old Photo of Tagaytay

This photo was taken in Tagaytay Highland last December 5, 2003. You can see the fog covering the mountain.

Recipe - Roasted Sweet and White Potatoes

Ingredients:

3 tbsp. olive oil
1 lb. sweet potatoes (yams), unpeeled, cut into 2-inch chunks
1 lb. baking potatoes, unpeeled, cut into 2-inch chunks
3 tbsp. thinly sliced garlic
1 tsp. dried thyme
Salt and pepper to taste
1/4 cup chopped parsley


Procedure:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
Pour oil onto a baking sheet; heat for 5 minutes.
Add both types of potatoes and garlic, turning to coat.
Bake, shaking pan every 15 minutes, until potatoes are brown and crisp, about 45 minutes to 1 hour.
Season with thyme, salt, pepper and parsley, tossing well.

Recipe - Sweer and Sour Snapper with Cabbage and Brocolli

Ingredients:
½ medium onion (sliced medium thick)
4 medium cloves garlic (pressed)
1 TBS minced fresh ginger
2 cups small broccoli florets, cut into about ½ inch pieces with no stem for quick cooking.
1 lb snapper filet cut into 1 inch pieces (use thick filets)
4 cups finely shredded green cabbage
2 TBS chopped fresh cilantro
salt and white pepper to taste
1 TBS sesame seeds

Sweet n Sour Sauce
3 TBS soy sauce
¼ cup rice vinegar
¼ cup mirin rice wine
2 + 1 TBS chicken or vegetable broth
2 TBS honeysalt and
white pepper to taste

Directions:
Mix together sauce ingredients, soy sauce, rice vinegar, mirin, 2 TBS broth and honey.
Simmer in a small saucepan over high heat for about 15 minutes reducing to half the volume.
Set aside. This will intensify the flavor.
While sauce is reducing prepare ingredients.
Heat 1 TBS broth in a stainless steel wok or large skillet.
Fry onion in broth for 1 minute over medium high heat, stirring constantly.
Add garlic, ginger, snapper and continue to stir-fry for another 2 minutes.
Add broccoli and continue to stir-fry for another minute.
Add cabbage and continue to stir-fry for another 2-3 minutes, stirring constantly.
Add sweet n sour sauce, cilantro, salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle with sesame seeds.

Joke - Paano magbigay ng Masamang Balita

PAANO MAGBIGAY NG MASAMANG BALITA

Kumiriring ang telepono ni Carlos isang madaling araw.... "Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, 'yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."

"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano't napatawag ka? May problema ba?

"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."

"'Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? 'Yung nanalo sa bird show?

"Opo, Master Carlos, 'yun na nga po." "Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong 'yon.

Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"

"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."

"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"

"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."

"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"

"E, 'yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."

"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"

"'Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."

"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?"

"'Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po 'yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab 'yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy...."

"Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a.

Para saan 'yung kandila?"

"Para sa burol po."

"Ano? Kaninong burol?

"Sa nanay n'yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu'ng isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na.Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko."

JoKe of the DaY - 3 Men and a Witch

Three guys are stranded in a desert. Off in the horizon they see a house and crawl to it.

The first guy knocks on the door and asks for water.

A wart-covered, toothless old woman answers: "I will...if you have sex with me." The guy pukes and runs back to his friends to tell them what happened.

The second guy, thinking the first guy was a wuss, takes his turn. Same thing happens-he sees the woman and hurls.

The third guy, knowing they'll all die if he doesn't do something, follows the lady to her kitchen.

"Do me here," she tells him. He sees three ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea. "Lay back and keep your eyes closed!" he says. The witch obliges.

The guy picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. As soon as she's done, he throws the corn out the window. "That was the best orgasm of my life! Do that again and I'll give you a million bucks."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again." He does her with the second ear of corn, then throws it out again. "If you do that again, I'll give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

He does her with the last piece of corn. "Ohhhhhh... The water, money, and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs outside, grabs the water and money and jumps onto the Jeep. He drives around and finds his friends by the window.

One of the guys says to him: "Hey, I hope you had fun. We just ate the three tastiest pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

JoKe oF ThE DaY - Letter

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.


A week later....the response from Dad arrived:


Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraghy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad.

Today's JoKe - LoSt CAt

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.

He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Lynn is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions."

Ponder these ........

Ponder These......

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "oneslice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? 8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" When, it isn't all right .

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

Recipe - Baked Sweet Potato Fries

Ingredients:
4 sweet potatoes (or yams)
1/4 cup olive oil
Salt to taste

Procedure:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
Cut sweet potatoes into 1/2-inch thick lengthwise strips and toss with olive oil.
Coat a baking sheet with nonstick cooking spray and arrange potatoes on baking sheets.
Bake potatoes for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown on bottom. Turn potatoes over and bake about 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown all over. Sprinkle with salt and serve.

JoKe of The DaY - The Marital Bed

The Marital Bed

A married man is having a wild sexual liaison with his secretary. One day, his wife is out of town, so he takes the secretary to his house. They engage in wild fantastical sex all afternoon. At 5 p.m., the man tells his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
When his wife arrives home, she says she tried to ring him at work, but he wasn't there all afternoon. So she asks him where he's been and what he's been doing. He tells her he brought his secretary home and they made mad, passionate love in their marital bed all afternoon.
The wife bursts out laughing and says, "You're such a liar! I know what you've been doing. I saw your shoes in the hallway. You've been out playing golf!"

Travel - Pagsanjan - Bamboo Raft

This photo was taken on my travel to Pansanjan last March 2004. It was amazing seing a man manuevering this bamboo raft in the Pagsanjan river.

Recipe - Stir-Fried Crabs with Chili Bean Sauce

STIR-FRIED CRABS WITH CHILI BEAN SAUCE

Ingredients:
Crabs 2 [about 500 g/1.1 lb] [chopped into pieces]
Red chili 1 [cut into pieces]
Green chili 1 [cut into pieces]
Minced ginger 1 tbsp
Minced garlic 1 tbsp

Sauce Mix:
Chili Bean Sauce (Toban Djan)
2 tbspPremium Oyster Flavored Sauce
1 tbspWater 150 ml
Corn starch 1 tsp
Sugar 1 tsp

Method:
1. Saute red chili, green chili, ginger and garlic in 2 tbsp oil. Add crabs and stir-fry for
about 2 minutes.
2. Add sauce mix and stir well until crabs are done.